Dear Neighbor,

If you're going to sit out on your stoop, smoking a cigarette and talking on your NexTel™ walkie-talkie enabled cell phone, could you please turn down the signature "bleep-bleep!" sound so it's not audible from across the freakin' street and up in my office? Blee-bleep! Blee-bleep! Blee-bleep! It makes me want to open the window and shout at you... or throw things... or get a high-powered rifle, and we wouldn't want that, now would we?

Love,
Steve